Lessons I'll carry with me

I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the realization that "lifetime people" can only be known retrospectively. At every change in ones life one has to allow people to choose to either stick around for the change or leave, it hurts but it's only fair, we all come into people's lives or allow them into our own for certain reasons and sometimes the reasons are the glue, should they shift we may no longer want to be a part of their lives, or at least not in the same way. Sometimes we are fortunate to have people who choose to stay through the changes.

Also having a hard time with accepting that I am responsible for how I feel. The fact that I feel something doesn't mean the feeling or actions inspired by the feeling is right. It's weird, sometimes we just choose the convenient emotion, in my experience anger is one emotion we are likely to choose when cornered or intimidated, when we could just decide to stay calm and find a solution that doesn't leave us scarred.

I've learnt that unless I'm actively doing something about it, I don't want it bad enough. So I spend some time working on my mindset, getting hungry, kinda like the 5 minutes reading time in an exam, a little planning before committing to anything, planning that includes speaking to people who have succeeded at what I'm trying to do, don't know about yal but I'd rather have the truth, especially about the hardships relating to whatever I wanna do and not be shocked when or if it comes my way. I mean I also want to know about how I will reap the sweet fruits of my labour, but that's kinda set if I make it past the hardships.

Only God can love me absolutely unconditionally, I mean even my parents can get to a stage of just feeling like "seriously, get it together" So like I can't be expecting people to keep taking my crap, there will come a point where they've just had enough. 

Regret is a useless emotion. I mean, it's happened, let me rather work on how it can still contribute to the greater mission, if it can't, I should move on anyway, ticking it off the things having done list, seriously, I've gotta stop banging my head on thorny walls of regret, it's just pointless. yeah yeah! "easier said than done" Yes! but at least there's a point to doing a difficult thing that contributes to something, anything in this glorious life.

This is all I could remember for now.